Let just say that October is now my least favorite month of the year, it started awfully and somehow managed to finish even worse. By 20th October I was at one of the most stressful periods I had in a while academically, socially, financially and most importantly mentally. The combination of this factors lead me to be in mental state I thought I would never be in again (state where you do not want to do things rationally and just want to make things go away and misdirecting your anger at the wrong things and people ), but still all of this was somehow bearable because I’m few weeks away from graduating so that was one thing helping me, but When the coup happened few days later the feelings of hopelessness and despair magnified. I was so shocked and I actually laughed for how serreal was the situation. Nothing made sense to me “this can’t be really happening”.
Surprisingly (and thankfully) I’m all good now I think coming back is the prove. I was reminded how little control I have over the course my life , well maybe ‘little’ is not the right word to use, but the point is you should focus only on what is within your ability to change. when will you graduate? Definitely not one of them. I stopped caring to the point I no longer care when or even if I ever do. I’m not a nihilist who thinks nothing means anything even though I admit to think like that sometimes. These kind of feelings stems from not being able to achieve what I believe I’m more than capable of achieving, but then again this projections you have are fundamentally unfair because of your unawareness of your control boundaries.
also I want to say that living without internet was one of the best things that happened to me in 2021. thanks to it I finally managed to started reading the books in my library. one book that I would like to recommed that you read is “deep work” by Cal Newport I didn’t finish it but really like most of what I found in it. another thing that I was able to do because of the free time I had in the absence of the internet is to listin more to podcast mainly spanish teaching ones and lex fridman podcast which is in my opinion the best of all times.
I don’t want to make this long one, so long story short I’m back and I’m better.
P.s special thanks to “git reset -Hard 87d2f41f” couldn’t have done it without you (literally hahaha).